rock salt

do you ever just have one of those days when life is going okay and you feel you should be happy, but you just don't. you just feel old and alone. Like everyone else has found some one and you never will, partially because in order to find someone you have to expend some energy looking, and you just don't care enough to do that. like the thought of having to be in a relationship (where you'll more than likely end up with a broken heart - again) is just more than you can deal with. but the thought of being alone for forever doesn't seem appealing either. like everyone else is going on ward and up ward with their life and you are just stagnant, not going anyway. stuck in a rut so deep that even if you could pull together the energy to try and climb out it would take you days, weeks, months, even years to make it to the top. have you ever felt like that? watching all these little kids whose diapers you used to change go off to college. off to do things with their life, make the world a better place, yet all you seem to be able to do is make things worse for those around you. like nothing you do is ever right. have you ever felt like that?

i know, it's not right to compare oneself to other people. know one ever knows what demons someone else is dealing with. and time does pass. life moves on. people grow up. i know all that. and i know my feelings are rational. but then when are feelings ever rational? aren't feelings and emotion the exact opposite of rational? or maybe I'm just the exact opposite of rational. maybe I'm just not that strong of a person. maybe i should just be a better person than I am.