9/12/05

On my way to work this morning I was thinking about...life. I was feeling down, and started thinking about a friend of mine who was down recently. Still may be for all I know. but I was feeling down and like I could use a good friend to hang out with for awhile. and I started thinking about something that happened a couple of weeks ago, when my friend asked me to come visit. I ended up sending him an email that wasn't very nice. And thinking about it today, I just kind of was thinking that if at that time he was feeling like I am now, then basically I just kicked him when he was down. And I feel awful about it. I kind of wanted to write him an email and apologize. But I kind of already did apologize once, and felt it might be better if I didn't remind him of how mean I can be. :) So, I started this blog so that I could get things out, but try not to send them to people.

It's just so atypical of me to kick someone when they're down. Usually I go out of my way to try to cheer friends up when they're down. So it just makes me really sad that I would do something like that. I feel like I am a very mean and selfish person. Only thinking of myself. Never considering others point of view.

I know some of my friends would say that that's not true, but sometimes it is. And I don't want to be a selfish self-involved person. But after as many years as I have been this way, it's really difficult to change.