9/6/05

I was reading through my poetry journal last night. I have some that I think are pretty decent. There was one, it kind of made me laugh. I was writing it about someone in particular, but reading it over, it's like someone was talking to me. It's just amazes me how things happen sometimes.

I had plans for Labor Day weekend that kind of fell through, so I ended up doing something different. That something different ended with me spending sometime with some cousins that I've never really just 'hung out' with. Usually when we see each other it is at some family function. But spending time with them, really.....well, I had been rather depressed for awhile, and after spending time with them, I was just much happier. So while part of me is still bummed that I didn't get to see my other friend, and there's a good chance he and I may never see each other again; I am really happy with the way things turned out. I suppose it was God's plan all along.



090105
I tried to be the person I thought you wanted me to be
I thought if I was perfect then maybe you'd come back to me
I thought the fault was mine
I was wrong
But I spent so much time being what I thought I should be
That I am no longer me
I can No longer find the part of me that IS me
She is buried so deep that all my digging cannot release her from the tomb I stuck her in
I thought if I was perfect then you would love me
I thought the fault was mine
I was wrong
there is nothing I could do to make you love me
Unfortunately for her, I figured it out too late

083103
whoever knew love could be like this
Thoughts of you seem to consume me completely
To think, months ago you didn't even exist to me
Now you're my everything
I love your smile,
the sweet things you say
I love the way you look at me and make my day
I miss you when we're not together
separated by the different lives we lead
But when I think of you,
My heart just smiles
And when we are together again my just swells

060103
Should I or shouldn't I
I sit and I debate
if I knew how you felt
if I was sure
There would be no question
But I'm not sure
And I'm insecure
So I sit and wonder
and debate
should I or shouldn't I

102602
You've touched my heart
I know not how or why,
but you've touched my heart
you have laid claim on that which was mine
I give it freely and it shall remain
forever yours
You've touched my heart
I shall never forget you
If at anytime you feel the need, call me
The piece of me that is your claim
is there whenever you may need it
To listen, to console, to share both joy and sorrow
For whatever you may need it,
it is yours
And I only hope that I may someday
touch your heart as deeply as you've touched mine.

042002
When you left
you didn't give me a second thought
when you walked out that door
you didn't even look back
when I asked why
you didn't even bother to reply
I guess I'll never know why
I wasn't good enough
I suppose you'll never say
what caused you to not care
If only I could understand
if only I knew why
Maybe I could fix what's wrong
Maybe next time I'd be prepared

111501
I'm standing at a crossroad
I don't know which way to turn
I look behind but don't recognize the path that I have traveled
I don't even know myself anymore
somewhere along my way I lost my sense of me
of who I am
where I'm going
and where I want to be

092501
Why can't you just tell me the truth
I can hear it in your voice
I can see it in your face
Why do you lie?
I'm not as fragile as you might think
My heart's been broke before and it will be broken again
I survived the last time and I'll survive the next.
I'd rather my heart be broken by the truth
Instead of the lies you feel you must tell
Tell me, what scares you
What is it that you fear
I may get hurt, I may be sad and angry
But I will always love you
My love won't be broken with hurtful truth,
But it may be damaged by unnecessary lies
Why can't you just tell me the truth?
I can hear it in your voice,
I can see it in your face?
Why do you feel the need to lie?
I'm not as fragile as you might think.
The truth will not break me.

062500
thoughts of you
fill my heart with love
thoughts of you
tear my heart in two
who know love could bring such pain
I see you hurting
my heart aches with pain
I want to make your hurts go away
I want for your life to be perfect and hurt free
I long for you to be happy
to see what I see
I want you to see the bright young woman
with a future full of wonderful possibilities
A girl whose smile can light up a room
A girl whose laughter makes my heart laugh too
I want you to see the girl I see
I want you to see the girl we all love
I want you to see that you are not alone
You are blessed with family and friends
who love and who care
family and friends whose hearts ache with your pain
who long to help you to take the pain away
but no matter how much they wish, they can't figure out how
how to aid you in this time of trouble; how to end all your pain
So all they can do,
all I can do,
is hope
Hope and pray that some day,
someday,
you too will see what we see
Hope that someday you will know in your heart
what we've known all along.
You are special
You are unique
There is no one like you
you are so full of laughter
So full of life
You are important to all who you touch
We are all different, more special because you have touched our lives
So I hope one day, one day quite soon
you will come to realize that you are loved
for no other reason than you being you.