Je suis triste

I received a call today from a good friend of mine. She commented that she hadn't talked to me in a while. I said "yeah, I know". I apparently had...a bit of an attitude when I said it. I didn't mean to, it's just she wasn't really the first person I'd heard that from recently. A week or so ago I got an email from a cousin of mine saying she missed my emails. (I've been known to send out some pretty long and frequently emails to a select group.)

I realized that I have been "incommunicado" for awhile. But really, there wasn't much to say. Not that I ever really say much, but I used be able to pretend that I had stuff to say. :) But I've just been so down recently, that, pretending just wasn't happening. I mean who really wants to listen to me whine about how unhappy I am. (to which I'm sure you are all saying "Not me! Not me!") I wrote my sister about some of it, and she wrote back and tried to make me see that my life could be...different.

I know, I know, there are many ways to get past depression. Unfortunately nothing much seemed to work. I did try praying. I tried looking on the "bright side" of things.

Well, things did get slightly better. I could make the drive to work with out crying. Always a plus. But then this week I had some physical problems. Started out as pain in my back and arms. Couple days later it was in my lower back. Which lead me to make an appointment with a doctor. Now for those of you reading this who know me well, you know that this would not help ease the stress in my life. For those of you who don't know me that well....Last time I went to the doctor was 4 years ago when I was suffering from major headaches (tension headaches - a sign that I do not handle stress well.) Before that the last time I went to the doctor was in high school. I really dislike going to the doctor. I even have a hard time going in to hospitals.

So anyway, a few days ago I got a phone call from another one of my cousins (I have oodles of them). He was just calling to check and see how everyone was doing. Then the next day I got an email from him telling me he loved me. I got an email from a friend of mine who sent me some jobs to apply to. Then today my other friend gave me a call. It's always nice to know that people care.

A while back a friend of mine wrote that she missed me. I almost wrote her back and told her that I missed me too. It's hard know that I'm not really me at the moment, but not quite knowing how to get back to being me. Things are getting better. I mean, look I've gotten back into writing my usual nothingness. :)

So, I think, when I started this, I had a point. Somewhere in the last half an hour or so, I seemed to have lost it. Not unusual for me.

So things will hopefully get better. Photography class is going pretty well. Did well on my second project, even though I didn't really like my prints that much. I think my third project will be okay. My apple prints turned out pretty well I think. I'm not overly impressed, but hey, the assignment's done, right? And I've got 6 rolls shot and developed for my final project (documentary of Union Station, Chicago). Unfortunately I only have about 4 classes left to print the 15-20 prints we are supposed to have turned in.

Anyway, thanks for reading. Just thought I'd check in. Don't worry about me. I'll be okay. :)